Wednesday, January 24, 2007

UPDATE: PLEASE tell me this is a joke...

UPDATE: Apparently, I fell for a big ole joke hook, line and sinker. But now this whole affair might even be funnier.

See Donnie's "response" here. If this is for real, he's worse than bat shit crazy. If it's a joke, he's friggin hilarious, and I fully admit to falling for it. Enjoy!

END UPDATE

I learn a lot on these old internets of ours. I get all of my news from the internet, I shop, I get recipes, I can even teach my self a new language; the possibilities seem endless. But today, my brain almost exploded as I learned the best lesson ever.

NOTE: Intense sarcasm starts now.

Today, I learned that gay people can join a group to help them stop being gay. Just like that! Its awesome!!! I mean, who knew how easy it could be to stifle your feelings away forever, and reclaim the life you never wanted? Thank goodness the "Christians" can help us through life's journey. I mean, it makes perfect sense. Could anyone possibly argue with their welcome message on their home page? I doubt it...
Are you struggling with undesired same-sex attractions? Maybe you have been a Homosexual for a long time, but now are searching for a way out. You have come to the right place! Love God's Way is offering hope and help to people seeking freedom from being Gay. We believe and we have seen in thousands of lives that this freedom is possible through the power of our C.H.O.P.S program working in our hearts and minds.

The bottom line - you shouldn't be gay! You can lead a life of fulfillment and happiness as God intended, a life far better than what your Gay life has offered.

The journey to normalcy isn't an easy one, but we will be with you through the adventure. Our national network of online Christian ministries are devoted to providing the love and care you need as you find God, holiness, and healing.
Well, that's a relief, I must say. As they say, you SHOULDN'T be gay! No one should! Why? Because it isn't normal! At least, that's what reformed gay Donnie Davies thinks:
C.H.O.P.S is the powerful new program developed by Christian Youth expert Donnie Davies. C.H.O.P.S stands for CHANGING HOMOSEXUALS into ORDINARY PEOPLE.

If you have been having feelings that you DO NOT want to have towards people of the same sex as you, then this is the program for you.

If you've been acting on those same feelings, then this is DEFINATELY the program you've been looking for.
And Donnie Davies is an expert, so you KNOW he's got all of his ducks in a row. He has gotten over "the gay" himself, through hard work and determination! And he's here to tell you that you can too!
Hello Friends, I hope you take the time to read the quote by our good friend and compatriot, Oscar Wilde. In that one quote Oscar brings to life the isolation and despair of what he refers to as "us", the homosexuals. It is a long, lonely, desolate road, homosexuality. I've been there, friends. I know how horrible and rough that road can be. I have been called a "Faggot". You are not alone and guess what, God Loves You even if he hates your Homosexuality. You just can't stay that way. Let me help you love yourself. Follow me and together we'll C.H.O.P.S away the Gay.
That damn Oscar Wilde. He's a "reformed gay" too, you know.
"Suffering is one very long moment. We cannot divide it by seasons. We can only record its moods, and chronicle their return. With us time itself does not progress. It revolves. It seems to circle round one centre of pain."
--Oscar Wilde (reformed homosexual)
Luckily for us, Donnie even has a video intro so you can "meet him" and bask in his wisdom and NON-gayness.

As you can probably tell, Donnie Davies is truly awesome, and he has special tips and kind words for parents of the evil-doing gays.
For parents, same sex attraction (homosexuality) can be hard to spot until it is too late. The C.H.O.P.S. program helps parents, teachers, ministers and other youth leaders identify and stop the encroachment of homosexuality before it can take root.

Topics include:
How to identify homosexuals.
What is a sexual predator?
What are gay bands?
Hmmmmmmmmmm...what ARE gay bands? And how can I protect myself, Mr. Davies?
One of the most dangerous ways homosexuality invades family life is through popular music. Parents should keep careful watch over their children's listening habits, especially in this Internet Age of MP3 piracy.

Bands to watch out for:
The Spores
Scissor Sisters
Rufus Wainwright
Merzbau
Ravi Shankar
Wilco
Bjork
Tech N9ne
Ghostface Killah
Bobby Conn
Morton Subotnik
Cole Porter
The String Cheese Incident
Eagles of Death Metal
Polyphonic Spree
The Faint
Interpol
Tegan and Sara
Erasure
Le Tigre
The Gossip
The Doors
Phish
Queen
The Strokes
Sufjan Stevens
Morrissey
The Pet Shop Boys
Metallica
Judas Priest
The Village People
The Secret Handshake
The Rolling Stones
David Bowie
Frankie Goes to Hollywood
Man or Astroman
Richard Cheese
Jay-Z
Depeche Mode
Kansas
Ani DiFranco
Fischerspooner
John Mayer
The Indigo Girls
Velvet Underground
OH MY GOD!!!! I listen to some of those bands! I have been to some of their concerts! AM I GAY?!? WILL I BE GAY!?! WHAT CAN I DO?!?!?

FOR THE LOVE OF GAY HATING GOD, HELP ME DONNIE DAVIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We know that it can be difficult to differentiate what is good or bad for your child. With that in mind Love God's Way has created this powerful tool to let you see some bands and entertainment that is safe for your children.

Safe Music:
UnderOath
Cyndi Lauper
Falling Up
Flyleaf
THE TURNING
Disciple
P.O.D
By The Tree
Scott Reed
Michael W. Smith
Jars of Clay
DC Talk
Danielson
Phew. Praise the Lord for "safe" music. Hopefully by listening to those bands, the gay that is obviously after all of us will cease and desist.

BUT WAIT!!! Donnie Davies can help us even more by sharing his own NON GAY music with us! He even has a video!



Seriously, Donnie Davies rocks, doesn't he? We are truly blessed to have him in our lives to help us.

So, why now, Donnie? What made you come forward to share with us your wisdom on fighting the gay?
Why Now?

Quite simply, it has become apparent that the Moral Majority has crumbled and lost the Way. If not obvious in the Corruption and Scandal in our Republican party, then one does not have to turn far to see the Abuses and Indiscretions espoused by our church leaders.

We feel that the time has come to stand up and address the issues challenging our Country and our Religion.

If not Us then Who?

If not Now then When?

Join Us in or efforts to rebuild the Moral Majority.
OOOOOOOOOOOH....NOW I get it...

Check out Donnie at his MySpace page, where he undoubtedly helps many of his "friends" get over their Satan-like homosexuality. And make sure you head on over to his webpage, where he blogs about his feelings and offers up his past sins for inspiration.

22 Comments:

Blogger Republitarian's Wife said...

"FOR THE LOVE OF GAY HATING GOD, HELP ME DONNIE DAVIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

God doesn't hate gays.

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Genevieve said...

Oh, man, I'm so glad I waited to read this until I *left* class, because I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Would have been strange (yet, somehow, appropriate) in Internet Marketing 315.

Maybe I should send my prof that website. It's got all kinds of stuff, and she's pretty cool- she's on facebook, she's got AIM, she holds informal office hours in our coffeeshop (and she'll pay if you've got a serious problem or if you just want to talk about something work related), she blogs, she podcasts, she uses Youtube in class...

I must save her from becoming a GAY through improper exposure to the Internets. ;)

3:22 PM  
Blogger Terry said...

The fact that some people still believe that you can "cure" "gay" speaks volumes to how ignorant SOME people can be.

3:26 PM  
Blogger Phriendly Jaime said...

I don't think so either, Megan. But unless this is a huge meta joke of a website, then I think this guy definitely DOES think so. I can't really decide whether to laugh at him, or cry for him.

3:39 PM  
Blogger Republitarian's Wife said...

It could be a joke. There are several organizations that are very similar. Though, this site is a bit bazaar.

3:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, at least he's trying to save them from an eternity in hell!

4:50 PM  
Blogger Phriendly Jaime said...

See what I mean? CRAZY.

4:55 PM  
Blogger Mosquito said...

Truly truly crazy.....LOL...and some of these "great thinkers" are in our white house....and that's truly disasterous.

God please helps us all!

Is there anyway to be "saved" from "them?"

Buzz...Buzz....

2:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We can't wait for them to serve in hell. Let's round 'em up and 'em to work in Iraq!

7:53 AM  
Anonymous David said...

"Changing Homosexuals into Ordinary People"? This cannot possibly be serious.

And what does the 'S' stand for? Maybe pastor john knows.

11:29 AM  
Anonymous Beltway Progressive said...

Homophobes and homosexual arousal Hmmm. Maybe he's just working himself up into a state of excitement!

I'm not surprised the list of corrupting musical influences includes Cole Porter. One of my favorites of his is Anything Goes.
Then there is "Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let's do it..."

1:30 PM  
Anonymous Terry said...

Since blogger is being a NeoCon, and not allowing me to login, I have to post this as an anon (it's Terry)...


You win! Number one on LeftyBlogs today!!

3:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Edit: Oookay, so maybe I was logged in....


Terry

3:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This guy is awesome! Just think of him as the Colbert of Christianity. He's totally playing up this character. Just check out his "response" video: http://www.lovegodsway.org/Blog/AmazingDay

There's the part about him having a thyroid problem, "I was born this way" I believe he says, haha, totally a wink at the born-gay debate Christians have! I know some humor is tasteless and offensive, but please realize he's just holding up a mirror to the bigoted Christian masses. A fun-house mirror.

7:51 PM  
Blogger Phriendly Jaime said...

You're right dude. This HAS to be a joke.

8:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

actually that site is a hoax. if you notice, there is no place to actually sign up for the chops program, or get any real info about it. all of the links are dead. its just an elaborate prank by someone with some good html skills and a twisted sense of humor.

8:35 PM  
Blogger Phriendly Jaime said...

Right, hence the update.

9:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's no joke. There are other groups out there claiming to "cure" homosexuality. One "Christian" group is called Exodus International or something. I read a funny article a long time ago about how some Exodus graduates had become "ex-gays" but others had later become "ex-ex-gays"

10:54 PM  
Blogger Terry said...

"It's no joke. There are other groups out there claiming to "cure" homosexuality. One "Christian" group is called Exodus International or something. I read a funny article a long time ago about how some Exodus graduates had become "ex-gays" but others had later become "ex-ex-gays" "

Right, no one is denying that there are indeed groups out there that claim they can "cure" homosexuality, but we're talking about THIS specific group.

11:35 PM  
Anonymous David said...

Update: I was informed that the 'S' stands for "Somehow."

10:53 AM  
Anonymous The Lurking Bat said...

this is supposedly a hoax

http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2007/01/davies-exposed-as-actor-joel-oglesby.html

peace
^v^

7:33 PM  
Anonymous Emeth said...

What a load of bull!

I'm a gay christian and this site will be real, I assure you. There are people out there who think I can be cured lol.

God loves me as anyone else and I hate the way people make this big deal out of being gay - it's ridiculous...

Theoretically speaking, say being gay IS a sin... then why is it blown out of proportion?!?! I don't see sites for "curing" liars, theives, murderers... I love the way something disagrees with the way people think so it's MUST be a mental illness or MUST be possession!

Get a grip! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

And as for the Oscar Wilde quote! Don't even get me started!

Personally, I dunno if he was reformed... This guy was sentanced to two years hard labour just for loving someone of the same sex

He wrote a 50,000 word letter to Douglas (his lover) while serving his sentance! And when he was out I wouldn't be surprised if he stopped seeing men but it definately wasn't his choice!

Grrrrrrrrrrrr - I could go on but I'll only rant!

9:04 PM  

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