Monday, October 09, 2006

How much do I love Steve Jarding?

A LOT. I swear, this man has uttered some of the best one liners I have ever heard throughout a campaign. Who can forget the great line from early on in the summer, when George Allen's life as a known racist and horrible candidate were just starting to become public to Virginians and the rest of the country? When George Allen had the nerve (not balls, bc I am not so sure that part of the male anatamy is present in this case) to attack Jim Webb's patriotism, Jarding came back swinging, with a line most bloggers and many Jim Webb fans will never forget:
"While Jim Webb and others of George Felix Allen Jr.’s generation were fighting for our freedoms and for our symbols of freedom in Vietnam, George Felix Allen Jr. was playing cowboy at a dude ranch in Nevada. People who live in glass dude ranches should not question the patriotism of real soldiers who fought and bled for this country on a real battlefield,” Jarding said.
C'mon. That's just great. The glass dude ranches line will go down as one of the funniest and most stinging remarks ever made to Cowboy George, and you can bet he won't forget it anytime soon.

But Jarding continued; he just hadn't stung Allen enough, and the further he went, the funnier it got:
“George Felix Allen Jr. and his bush-league lapdog, Dick Wadhams, have not earned the right to challenge Jim Webb’s position on free speech and flag burning. Jim Webb served and fought for our flag and what it stands for, while George Felix Allen Jr. chose to cut and run. When he and his disrespectful campaign puppets attack Jim Webb they are attacking every man and woman who served. Their comments are nothing more than weak-kneed attacks by cowards. George Felix Allen Jr. needs to apologize to Jim Webb and to all men and women who have served our nation,” Webb spokesman Steve Jarding said.
Sheer genius. It KILLS Allen that Webb's patriotism cannot be questioned, which is of course why he has to resort to lying and hate filled attack ads now discredited by the AP and many other news outlets.

Now, courtesy of the Washington Post, we have some more most excellent quotes from Steve Jarding re: Allen's silly little rich white people fundraiser hoe down with guest speaker Laura Ingraham. Laura Ingraham is, in essence, a raging bitch. She routinely screams at her callers who are simply asking for advice, and I am pretty sure that after they get off the phone with her, they either attempt suicide or drink themselves into a stupor. So, basically, she is perfect as a campaigner for George Allen, because the only people who would vote for Allen are self-loathing, greedy, uninformed fools. Too honest? Well, take a look at Jarding's honesty:
"With all due respect, I know cowboys," said Steve Jarding, who was raised in South Dakota and is now a senior Webb adviser. "I grew up with cowboys. I have nephews who bull ride. I'm sorry, George, you're not a cowboy."

To Jarding, Allen's penchant for cowboy boots and a wad of snuff is as contrived as Billy Crystal's character in the faux-cowboy movie "City Slickers."

"I put on a Superman outfit for Halloween," Jarding said. "It didn't make me a superhero."
Pure. Fucking. GOLD.

Now, according to the Allen campaign, George Allen has always been a "real" cowboy. I mean, how could he not be? He dressed the part, chewed tobacco, and made it a point to hate non-whites. He was also nicknamed "Festus" by his brothers, after the character on the show "Gunsmoke" who was an illiterate deputy marshal in Dodge City. Because obviously, making a joke out of illiteracy is very becoming as a political figure, and we should all laugh at other people's hinderances in life. That's what REAL cowboys do, right? And by the way, according to Chris Lacivita, we are all jerks if we claim Allen isn't a real cowboy:
"He's been that way for years. He's been enamored with that since he was a kid," said Chris LaCivita, a consultant who managed Allen's 2000 Senate campaign. "This is not new to a lot of people. What's being done, it's being repackaged in a negative light to assault the guy's character."
OH SNAP. LaCivita is going CRAZY on Jarding, only not really. Honestly, LaCivita doesn't hold a candle to Steve Jarding, and he and Dick Wadhams (also known as Karl Rove 2.0 until he totally lost control of the George Allen campaign) are just digging the holes in Allen's credibility deeper and deeper every time they open their mouths. Allen's slackjaw doesn't help much either, since he has made it clear he is a racist, a Jew hater, and a complete idiot.

So, cheers to you, Mr. Jarding. You're doing a heckuva job, and I mean that in the way George Bush didn't when he was talking to Brownie after Katrina. Dick Wadhams and Chris LaCivita-you guys better get it together. Whether Allen wins or loses this November is unknown, but I think it is pretty much common knowledge at this point that the two of you may have a rough time finding new jobs.


Anonymous John M said...

Well said Jaimie. I hope the debate last night finished off the faux cowboy.

5:23 AM  

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