Barack Obama Declares Himself Unqualified to be President

Washington, DC - In an stunning twist Monday, presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama eliminated himself from contention for the office of President of the United States.

On Sunday, surrogate and former potential running mate retired General Wesley Clark said, "I don't think riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to be president."

Today, campaign spokesman Bill Burton said that Barack Obama "rejects yesterday's statement by General Clark", thereby eliminating his candidate from contention and making John McCain the odds-on favorite to become the 44th President, being the only candidate to meet that qualification.

Democratic Party members expressed confusion over why Barack Obama, who had been leading in all the polls, would admit that there is a qualification for the Presidency that he does not meet.

"It just doesn't make any sense," Democrat AhhYes said moments before typing this sentence.

"Why would you call riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down a qualification to be President? Especially when everyone knows you haven't done that, and your opponent is most famous for that? It seems really fucking retarded."

Mr. AhhYes expressed further confusion over where Barack Obama's balls had gone.

"Barack used to tell it like it is. He should have said, 'Of course what Wesley Clark said is true. If I thought getting shot down in a fighter jet was a requirement to be President, I wouldn't be running, because we all know I haven't done that.'"


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All joking aside, the campaign really botched this one. How can Barack reject what is:

1) Patently true

2) An opinion, of

3) a highly decorated and qualified military officer who went out of his way to not question John McCain's patriotism?

This campaign needs to stop reacting to the press, and start making its own news.